Hey y'all...so I actually intended on writing about something completely different, but then this hit me...at like 4 am in the morning...and I just started writing...and writing. Maybe it's all the Sam Smith I've been listening to lately...which btw his album is so beautiful LOL. But yeah...I dunno what prompted me to even start reading that conversation...I mean like I've been having trouble sleeping, so I usually just go on my mind and just waste time...so yeah, rereading this now...it's funny...hella corny and emotional... but funny nonetheless...so yeah, here's me at 4 am in the morning, unfiltered..."uninterrupted"...shout out Lebron.
I’m a real bad hoarder, I can’t seem to throw things away. I give meaning and value to the most randomest things. The biggest one would be old texts, messages, cards, no matter who it’s from...old/former friends, exes, you name it. I remember countless times sitting in front of my computer reading old msn conversations. I remember being really sad when I lost my old phone because it had all the conversations with my ex. I can’t delete text conversations with certain people because I think to myself well what if I wanna go through it one day. And so here I am...4 am in the morning, rereading an old conversation with this girl I was dealing with, getting way too unnecessarily emotional. The first being joy and anxiousness, the good anxiousness, the butterflies of the first dates, the chase, the feeling out process. Then of course the nervousness of taking steps to further the relationship...entire days planned out, holding her hand, the literal game plan of how to go in for the first kiss LOOOOL. But as I keep reading the text messages, I start skimming more and more, as well skipping more and more as the final few emotions and the deja vu sinks in...confusion, sadness, regret...wondering what happened, what changed, what went wrong. Was it me, things were going so well...the up and down rush of emotions hit me like a whirlwind, but as it comes down...an emptiness kinda overtakes it all, as I stop scrolling and close the conversation, realizing and remember that it’s over. I honestly don’t know why I decided to write about this, I don’t even know if I’m gonna post this. I just started reading the conversation and felt compelled to write about it. I write this right now, feeling a lot of mixed emotions tbh, but this is as real and as raw as it gets I guess, no filter, just whatever words come to mind. Honestly I’ll probably read this tomorrow morning and be like dude what the heck is wrong with you...but that’s what makes this blog real I guess. Who knows how I’m feeling tomorrow when I read this and if I decide to post it, if I do, enjoy...you’ll probably get a good laugh out of it lol. \
To you, if this manages to reach you in some sort of capacity, I look forward to seeing if our paths cross once again in the future."
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